Today I saw this:
The trials and tribulations we go through in this world from time to time, is a spiritual training in which Allah guides us for one purpose: To learn to trust HIM, and HIM only
Tuesday, 18 June 2013
How we Grow...
Today I saw this:
The trials and tribulations we go through in this world from time to time, is a spiritual training in which Allah guides us for one purpose: To learn to trust HIM, and HIM only
Thursday, 13 June 2013
Thursday, 6 June 2013
Seeking Perfection (as is Human Nature)
When we seek perfection, we want intrinsically something inside of us to be aligned with that divine order that has given us the line of sight for what we hold ideal.
However... this is what usually turns out.
However... this is what usually turns out.
Thursday, 14 February 2013
Monday, 11 February 2013
The 5 Stages of Friendship
Here are the five stages of friendship that are in a book, Friendships Don’t Just Happen: The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends.
1. Curiosity. This is where every friendship begins. There has to be something that attracts you, gives you a sense of willingness and increases your desire to have more. It doesn’t have to be conscious or obvious to us, but at this stage we have to have reason to lean in, even a little, if the stranger we’re meeting is going to have a chance of becoming a friend.
2. Exploratory. Every potential friendship requires time together. For some of us, that time happens automatically (at a play group, a choir rehearsal, yoga class or work), but for many of us, we’ll have to initiate it and pursue it. For it doesn’t matter how much attraction you may feel in that first stage – if you don’t spend time together then a friendship it will never become.
3. Familiarity. This is the stage we often want as stage one. We frequently want to experience this comfort level with someone upon first meeting them, forgetting that it takes time to build. In my experience, I find that it takes most women 6-8 times with someone before they reach this stage. Of course that depends on what you’re doing during that time and how you’re sharing, but at some point you reach this familiarity: A trust that you can assume she wants to talk with you when you call. An ease where you’re okay just hanging out spontaneously together without it taking two weeks to schedule. A sense that you are beginning to be able to predict how they will respond to different life events.
4. Vulnerability. This stage is tricky since there is a ditch on either side: rushing to it too quickly or avoiding it all together. Some women rush to this stage early on because they feel closer once they have shared their pain. But healthy friendships need the commitment to grow in conjunction with the intimacy. We should not be emotionally vomiting on someone in order to feel closer. It should not be our expectation that friends who are in the first couple of stages need to prove themselves to us, reveal too much, or be a “shoulder to cry on.”
On the other hand, at some point of consistent time together, if you’re not willing to share beyond your PR image, laugh at yourself and express insecurities – the friendship will stall or disintegrate. As we trust each other more, we can share with less of a filter so that we can bond in deeper ways, increasing our commitment to each other.
5. Frientimacy.This last stage is for those who are your BFFs. And notice that I made that plural. Best doesn’t speak to quantity as much as quality. It’s like when a magazine says “Best moments of last year” and lists ten. There is enough research out there to suggest we need between 3-5 people in this category. Don’t limit yourself. On the other hand, not everyone you interact with needs to move into this last stage.
While few of our relationships will ever have clear lines between these stages, it is valuable to recognize that there is a progression to the friendships we develop. We must learn to differentiate between seeing the potential of a BFF and putting in the time and vulnerability required to foster it. For meaningful friendship is less about discovering the right person, and more about developing the right relationship.
Do you recognize yourself in any of these stages in a new friendship? Do you find it easy/hard to make friends? I’d love to hear your stories in the comments.
Shasta
Shasta Nelson’s book “Friendships Don’t Just Happen! The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of Girlfriends” is available today on Amazon.com.
Tuesday, 29 January 2013
The Way of Love
Every relationship – even the most unsatisfactory – is part of this evolutionary process, giving us the opportunity to practice our love, to open our hearts, and create perfection in the moment. If we are wise to love we will learn from it and this will allow us to better understand ourselves and move forward.
To do so, we need to look at ourselves, at what motivates us or holds us back, and at where we must place more of our attention so we are balanced and whole. When we are perfect beings, perfection cannot help but flow towards us. Rumi’s advice, then, is simple:
Keep company with Saints
And you will become a Saint!
AND WHEN PERFECTION SEEMS HARD TO COME BY?
It is difficult, when our hearts are broken or we are sad at the world, to feel that such perfection exists or can be found, or that we can trust enough to give ourselves completely to another. It is our challenge to do so. We must be the “Spiritual Warriors” Rumi implores us to become, and not give in to despair at our ‘failures’, for they are opportunities, too, for learning and growth.
Come, come, whoever you are!
Wanderer, idolater, worshipper of fire,
Come even though you have been broken a hundred times!
Come, and come again,
Ours is not a caravan of despair!
Relationships work because of openness, vulnerability, and a desire to love, no matter what. When we approach our lovers with a bitter heart or with sadness and fear in our souls, that is what we bring to them and what our relationship becomes: “I have run to you because I am afraid of myself. Please don’t give me back to myself!”
No relationship can ‘save’ us from the problems we bring to it. Instead, it will magnify them so we see what needs to be healed and are given an opportunity to do so. If we find it hard to give love, for example, then it will be equally hard for love to find us, and this will be central to every relationship we have until we decide to heal it. Our relationships reveal these truths and this is our lover’s gift.
It is clinging to hope and expectations – the ‘what could have beens’ – that cause us pain when we absorb ourselves with relationships that have failed. When we learn from them and let go, however, our pain is released and we can greet new lovers with wisdom, dignity, and respect for ourselves and for them.
There is a simple law of the universe that embraces us in times of sorrow: Love seeks balance, and our pain now is equal in measure to the joy that will come. Trust that it will and allow yourself to be blessed for, as the Master of Love remind us, “Peace always keeps company with troubles”.
The important thing, then, is to know the unresolved issues in our hearts. In this we find freedom, not shame. By understanding our pains and fears we and our lovers can find creative solutions so that love can flow once more. Knowing our answers, we can navigate our relationships so that, one step at a time, we give more of ourselves and open our hearts to love.
The person we are learning to love is always ourselves. When we understand this, our lover becomes our ally in helping us reconnect with our souls so that what is hidden becomes visible to us.
The mirror of my soul is your face, my love;
You reflect my perfect being
WHAT, THEN, ARE OUR BLOCKS TO LOVE?
There is a conflict within all human beings between what our souls know to be true and what we are taught is true. What every newborn child knows in his bliss-state of being is the reality of love; what he is taught by life is to fear. We will all have far more training in the latter than in how to love and to recognise it in others! Through our conditioning, we become experts in withholding trust.
Fear closes us down and, since the world we create is the one we perceive, once we shut ourselves off from love, fear is all we know because it is all we see. To change this we must be courageous in love so that, through our example, those around us can also wake up to the truth. By acting from love - no matter what - we create a more loving world, free of the limitations we have known.
“Leap into the fires of love”, writes Rumi.
When you know ecstasy
You cannot live without the flames
We must embrace love and allow it to flow – fearlessly, passionately, uncompromisingly – as the route to freedom for our souls. The path of the heart is one we must walk now.
The time for staying home is over.
It is time we entered the garden,
For the sun has risen on a new day of happiness:
Our day of vision and unity
* The above is an excerpt from Love's Simple Truths: Rumi's Path of the Heart ~ by Ross Heaven
To do so, we need to look at ourselves, at what motivates us or holds us back, and at where we must place more of our attention so we are balanced and whole. When we are perfect beings, perfection cannot help but flow towards us. Rumi’s advice, then, is simple:
Keep company with Saints
And you will become a Saint!
AND WHEN PERFECTION SEEMS HARD TO COME BY?
It is difficult, when our hearts are broken or we are sad at the world, to feel that such perfection exists or can be found, or that we can trust enough to give ourselves completely to another. It is our challenge to do so. We must be the “Spiritual Warriors” Rumi implores us to become, and not give in to despair at our ‘failures’, for they are opportunities, too, for learning and growth.
Come, come, whoever you are!
Wanderer, idolater, worshipper of fire,
Come even though you have been broken a hundred times!
Come, and come again,
Ours is not a caravan of despair!
Relationships work because of openness, vulnerability, and a desire to love, no matter what. When we approach our lovers with a bitter heart or with sadness and fear in our souls, that is what we bring to them and what our relationship becomes: “I have run to you because I am afraid of myself. Please don’t give me back to myself!”
No relationship can ‘save’ us from the problems we bring to it. Instead, it will magnify them so we see what needs to be healed and are given an opportunity to do so. If we find it hard to give love, for example, then it will be equally hard for love to find us, and this will be central to every relationship we have until we decide to heal it. Our relationships reveal these truths and this is our lover’s gift.
It is clinging to hope and expectations – the ‘what could have beens’ – that cause us pain when we absorb ourselves with relationships that have failed. When we learn from them and let go, however, our pain is released and we can greet new lovers with wisdom, dignity, and respect for ourselves and for them.
There is a simple law of the universe that embraces us in times of sorrow: Love seeks balance, and our pain now is equal in measure to the joy that will come. Trust that it will and allow yourself to be blessed for, as the Master of Love remind us, “Peace always keeps company with troubles”.
The important thing, then, is to know the unresolved issues in our hearts. In this we find freedom, not shame. By understanding our pains and fears we and our lovers can find creative solutions so that love can flow once more. Knowing our answers, we can navigate our relationships so that, one step at a time, we give more of ourselves and open our hearts to love.
The person we are learning to love is always ourselves. When we understand this, our lover becomes our ally in helping us reconnect with our souls so that what is hidden becomes visible to us.
The mirror of my soul is your face, my love;
You reflect my perfect being
WHAT, THEN, ARE OUR BLOCKS TO LOVE?
There is a conflict within all human beings between what our souls know to be true and what we are taught is true. What every newborn child knows in his bliss-state of being is the reality of love; what he is taught by life is to fear. We will all have far more training in the latter than in how to love and to recognise it in others! Through our conditioning, we become experts in withholding trust.
Fear closes us down and, since the world we create is the one we perceive, once we shut ourselves off from love, fear is all we know because it is all we see. To change this we must be courageous in love so that, through our example, those around us can also wake up to the truth. By acting from love - no matter what - we create a more loving world, free of the limitations we have known.
“Leap into the fires of love”, writes Rumi.
When you know ecstasy
You cannot live without the flames
We must embrace love and allow it to flow – fearlessly, passionately, uncompromisingly – as the route to freedom for our souls. The path of the heart is one we must walk now.
The time for staying home is over.
It is time we entered the garden,
For the sun has risen on a new day of happiness:
Our day of vision and unity
* The above is an excerpt from Love's Simple Truths: Rumi's Path of the Heart ~ by Ross Heaven
Monday, 28 January 2013
Relationship Cycles
This came through on a message that a friend forwarded to me.
______________
Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet." Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.
Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.
The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.
People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfilment. Extra marital fulfilment comes in all shapes and sizes.
Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.
Because (listen carefully to this):
The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.
Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.
Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.
Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO.
______________
Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet." Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.
Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.
The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.
People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfilment. Extra marital fulfilment comes in all shapes and sizes.
Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.
Because (listen carefully to this):
The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.
Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.
Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.
Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO.
Friday, 25 January 2013
Monday, 21 January 2013
Seven Qualities that Allah Loves...
★ Seven Qualities that Allah Loves
1. TAWBAH (Repentance) "For Allah loves those who turn to Him constantly (in repentance)" [Surah Al Baqarah 2:222]
2. TAHARAH (Purification) "Allah loves those who keep themselves pure and clean." [Surah Al Baqarah 2:222]
3. TAQWA (Piety) "For Allah loves the righteous (the pious)." [Surah Al Tawbah 9:4]
4. IHSAN (Goodness & Perfection) "For Allah loves those who do good" [Surah Ali 'Imran 3:134]
5. TAWAKKUL (Trust in Allah) "For Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)." [Surah Ali 'Imran 3:159]
6. ADL (Justice) "For Allah loves those who judge in equity." [Surah Al Ma'idah 5:42] "For Allah loves those who are fair (and just)." [Surah Al Hujurat 49:9]
7. SABR (Patience) "And Allah Loves those who are firm and steadfast (As-Sabirin (the patient))." [Surah Ali 'Imran 3:146]
★ Seven Qualities that Allah does not Love
1. ISRAAF (Extravagance) "But waste not by excess: for Allah loves not the wasters (Al- Musrifun (those who waste by extravagance))." [Surah Al An'am 6:141]
2. ISTIKBAAR (Pride) "Verily He loves not the arrogant (proud)." [Surah Al Nahl 16:23]
3. MUKHTAL FAKHOOR (Arrogant boaster) "For Allah loves not any arrogant boaster." [Surah Luqman 31:18]
4. UDWAAN (Transgression) "For Allah loves not transgressors." [Surah Al Ma'idah 5:87]
5. ZULM (Evil, Wrongdoing) "But Allah loves not those who do wrong (Zalimun (oppressors, polytheists and
wrong doers))." [Surah Ali 'Imran 3:57]
6. KHIYAANAH (Treachery) "For Allah loves not the treacherous." [Surah Al Anfal 8:58]
7. MUFSIDEEN (Mischief-makers) "And Allah loves not those who do mischief." [Surah Al Ma'idah 5:64]
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